I once encountered the notion that pain often drives people more than pleasure does, and I find this to be true in many instances. Pain triggers our instinct to survive, compelling us to escape from harmful situations, whether they are physical threats or emotional distress. In contrast, we actively pursue pleasure, requiring a different type of motivation altogether. Sometimes, it feels easier to endure minor discomfort rather than take the necessary steps to create a fulfilling and meaningful life. After all, taking action demands effort, planning, thought, and energy. When these elements are absent, they can indicate a lack of motivation.
When individuals visit my therapy practice seeking help with their motivation, they often require a shift in their perception of pain or pleasure. A common misconception exists that therapy is solely about indulging in problems and making excuses. Some may believe therapists will magically transform them into someone who effortlessly changes their behaviours. However, those who have preconceived notions about me based on my professional image soon realise that I am not the type of therapist who sugarcoats the truth.
In the practice of therapy for motivation, it is essential to emphasise the pleasure or reward associated with taking action to motivate clients. However, if that approach fails to yield results, sometimes highlighting the potential pain involved can be a more effective strategy for encouraging change.
For instance, a young man recently approached me with a desire to quit smoking. During our consultation, I posed several questions to uplift his spirits and boost his motivation. One particular question I asked was, “What do you dislike most about smoking?” He responded, “I hate that it makes my teeth yellow.” I took this opportunity to elaborate, saying, “Your teeth are the most yellow I’ve seen in quite a while, especially for someone your age. They wouldn’t have reached that state if you hadn’t been smoking. And let’s be honest, you have a strong odour. Most smokers carry a scent, but yours is particularly noticeable.”
His reaction was shocked; he admitted, “I knew you’d be tough on me, and I needed that, but I didn’t expect you to say it quite like that!” I explained, “I wouldn’t be helping you by sugarcoating the issue. The reality is that you smell, and your teeth are discoloured. Once you quit smoking, you’ll find yourself much more appealing.” Through this dialogue, I aimed to highlight both the pain associated with smoking and the potential pleasure of quitting. My genuine concern for his well-being was evident.
He attempted to quit using traditional methods multiple times, yet the change never lasted. However, after just one session with me, he texted me four weeks later to share the remarkable news that he had not smoked a single cigarette since our meeting and was feeling fantastic. This example underscores the effectiveness of therapy for motivation—by addressing both the pain of continuing with harmful habits and the pleasure of making positive changes, clients can find the drive to transform their lives.
In motivational therapy, it’s crucial to meet clients where they are, helping them recognise the discomfort associated with their current behaviours while simultaneously illuminating the rewards that await them. This balanced approach can create a powerful impetus for change, enabling individuals to take the necessary steps towards a healthier, more fulfilling life.
Ultimately, therapy for motivation is about facilitating a shift in perspective. It encourages individuals to confront their fears and discomfort while guiding them towards a more rewarding way of living. By blending pain and pleasure into the therapeutic process, clients are empowered to act, fostering their motivation and leading to lasting change. Through this journey of exploration and self-discovery, they can unlock their true potential and redefine their lives for the better.
By Gemma Bailey
