At People Building we teach NLP to those is leadership and management positions and work with teams to improve sales skills. We also offer Neuro-linguistic programming training online and offer courses that answer the question: “Does hypnosis work?”

Facebook banter reliably provides me with article based material and this month was no exception!

This month, I discovered that sometimes, people use self development to shrink their world instead of to grow it. Which I personally feel is completely the opposite point of developing one’s self.

It makes me shudder to think that as a result of finding peace within one’s mind, they would only from that point onwards allow themselves the privilege of only experiencing happiness or the typically perceived positive emotions.

And who decided which emotions were positive or not anyway? I thought they were context dependent?!

It’s a bit like having someone else dictate which jokes are funny, or which music is really good music. Of course there might be a general consensus but it will always be part of individual preference too.  As it should be!

So this month, I had a rotten old chest infection and posted on Facebook that I felt so ill I wanted to cut off my own head. Obviously I do not have a genuine desire to cut off my own head, and as a friend pointed out, the trouble in doing so is I could only ever get halfway through doing the job.

One person however responded drawing my attention to my apparent self hated which (it was implied) should not be the case for a motivational speaker.

I’ve had stuff like this said to me before. And I think it’s loony. It’s crazy to think that from this sentence:

“I feel so ill I want to cut off my own head.”

the following assumptions were made:

  1. I hate myself
  2. Motivational speakers shouldn’t hate themselves
  3. There is a correlation between my ability to motivate others, feeling ill and removing my own head. (Ok this one might be accurate).

My response was disagreeable to the assumptions for the following reasons:

  1. I don’t hate myself and never said I did.
  2. I felt unwell but that doesn’t mean I didn’t have a sense of humour. It was a joke that I should cut my head off.

I definitely do not subscribe to the idea that I should only ever experience “positive” emotions in order to be a speaker. In fact I’ve made a commitment to let myself experience the vast spectrum of human emotions whilst I’m on this planet and that includes being ok about the fact sometimes I’m grumpy, grieving or ill. And I can do that illness knowing full well that tomorrow I’ll be a bit better and a bit happier and I’ll appreciate it all the more when I do.

I think that feeling obliged to always be happy in difficult situations is actually like putting on a happy mask. It’s just a mask and inside the feelings are still the same. I’d rather be honest with myself and the outside world and say “It looks like this inside today!”

Of course there is great value in noticing the silver lining on the clouds and taking goodness from bad situations. It’s helpful to help yourself feel better when you feel less than great but there’s nothing wrong in feeling bad. You have every right to stay there for as long as you like!

In my work, I tell clients not to disregard bad feeling, not to ignore them or act happy when they are clearly not. Instead I say it’s about reducing time energy and frequency of negative emotions.

  • Reduce the amount of time that you spend feeling bad so that you do not live there as long.
  • Reduce the energy you put into feeling bad, so it’s not as bad as it used to be.
  • Reduce the frequency you return to bad feelings so that you only go back there on “special” occasions and not for any old reason.

Since I’m allowed to enjoy the contrast of being ok and not ok and am probably a better and more authentic speaker because of it.

Click here to download as a free PDF.

By Gemma Bailey

Gemma Bailey is the director of People Building, an NLP and hypnotherapy training company offering free NLP resources such as free NLP PDF’s, NLP podcasts and hypnotherapy courses that answer the question: “Does hypnosis work?!” We also provide corporate NLP training for those in leadership and management teams and NLP in business courses to increase sales skills for those who wish to improve communication and conversation techniques.

Call 0203 6677294 or email or find out more at

3 Replies to “Hypnotism Techniques You Should Be Happy!”

  1. Cutting your own head off, an interesting metaphor for a blocked nose or a sore head lol. Life presents us with many other challenges daily, its funny sometimes how we choose to respond. Character is based on dealing with and facing challenges, humour is an essential tool in dealing with sickness, ask any good Doctor or psychologist or your mum.

    So please remain free to use humour and self pity as a way of rolling with illness, I know I will enjoy the witty rejoinders that result. I sometimes remark to no one in particular when I am hungry ” I feel as if my throats been cut”. It does not mean I am exhibiting self harm Ideation.

    have fun


  2. Well said!!! As a person who suffers from bouts of depression the last 15 years I am constantly looking to find ways to keep on top of this so that I feel happier and I totally relate to everything you have said & it has allowed me to be ok with my feelings today. As someone who knows about putting on that happy mask….I am not being true or genuine to the emotions I feel & to be ok with them! In future I will consider your words to be ok with the emotions I am feeling & to find ways to fill my time doing more things that I do enjoy that will invoke happier emotions. As a motivational speaker you have motivated me today with your very wise words. Thank you

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