The husband booked her in to stop smoking, not her.
He’d managed to quit himself, after having a cancerous tumour removed from his leg. A scar the size of a roadmap now took its place. But she hadn’t been so lucky.
Not because she didn’t want to stop. But because cigarettes had become something more than just a habit.
The Emotional Weight of Old Habits
She was lovely, warm, gentle, and completely exhausted. When I asked her about her smoking history, she shared something I’ll never forget. As a young woman during the war, she’d been in the Wrens, where cigarettes were part of their welfare packages. Encouraged, even.
And in a voice shaking with memory, she said: “They’ve been my friends for so long. They’ve always been there for me.”
That’s when the tears started.
These weren’t just cigarettes. They were emotional crutches. Symbols of comfort and connection. But ultimately, they were killing her.
They’d always been there for her, and now they were taking her away from everyone else.”
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The Visit That Changed Everything
We did a session and she quit. For years. But years later, she got back in touch.
This time, she couldn’t come to me, so I went to her.
Her husband had passed. The cancer returned, this time fatal. He’d been her driver and her rock. Now she was alone. And there she was, sitting in a worn armchair, frail and connected to an oxygen cylinder.
She had started smoking again.
And now it wasn’t just harming her. It was visibly, undeniably, killing her.
But here’s the thing: the problem wasn’t really the smoking anymore.
It was the loneliness.
Sometimes people don’t need to be fixed. They need to be seen.
What Coaching Really Gives You
I visited her four or five times in total.
Some evenings we talked. Sometimes I ran a gentle hypnotherapy script and she fell asleep in the chair. Once she asked me to collect the payment from the kitchen, but eventually I stopped taking it.
Because this wasn’t about protocols anymore. It wasn’t even about change. It was about companionship.
Now, I’m not suggesting you work for free or run sessions out of hours. I’m not a martyr. But I am someone who has grown. Someone who 15 years ago would have never done something like this. I was too focused on my own life, my own boundaries, and my own business goals.
But this work changes you.
Being part of a coaching franchise like People Building isn’t just about running a therapy business. It’s about truly understanding people, and rediscovering your own humanity in the process.
I count myself lucky to have been in the right place, at the right time, for someone who needed more than a coach. She needed a friend.
And I’ll never forget her.
by Gemma Bailey (with the help of Ai)
