Early on in my therapy career, I had a client who, on paper, had everything going for him – a decent job, supportive parents, friends, hobbies. He wasn’t in crisis. But he also wasn’t really living.
He was simply… dissatisfied.
And that made him one of the hardest clients I ever worked with.
The Most Dangerous Place for a Client to Be
He was in his early 30s and still living at home. He came to me because he felt like something was missing, even though there was nothing specifically wrong. It wasn’t unhappiness. It wasn’t discomfort. It was just… a low hum of discontent.
It was what I now call “the Dissatisfaction State” – and that’s the name of my cat, because it’s that annoying to deal with 😼
He didn’t know what he wanted. Just that he wanted more. So, I suggested goals, new directions, things to explore. He nodded. Took the ideas away. Came back… unchanged.
“The most difficult clients aren’t those who are in crisis – they’re the ones who feel just fine staying stuck.”
I wasn’t dealing with a refusal. I was dealing with a lack of desire. And I found myself doing the very thing we’re warned against – I was more motivated for his success than he was.
When Wanting More for a Client Backfires
Week after week, we’d meet. I’d ask what action he’d taken. And week after week, the answer was: none.
I gave him space. I adjusted my strategies. I made suggestions with varying degrees of effort attached – from simple tweaks to big changes. Still… nothing.
Eventually, something shifted – in me.
I realised I’d lost something essential: my belief in his ability to change.
And as soon as that happened, I knew I couldn’t be his therapist anymore.
When Letting Go Is the Right Thing to Do
I sat him down and said, “I don’t think this is going to work.” It wasn’t a ploy. It wasn’t reverse psychology. It was a moment of truth.
He needed either enough pain to move away from where he was or enough desire to move toward something better. And he had neither. Without that fuel, therapy was just a polite conversation on repeat.
As a practitioner in our coaching franchise, you’ll come across this dynamic. You’ll care. You’ll hope. But you can’t do the work for them. That’s not your job.
Your job is to believe in your client’s potential – until they give you good reason not to. And when that happens, sometimes the most therapeutic thing you can do is let go.
Letting go doesn’t mean failure. It might just be the very thing they need to wake up.
Inside the People Building coaching franchise, we talk about these nuances. We don’t sugar-coat the work. It’s rewarding, yes – but it’s also emotionally complex. It takes discernment, boundaries, and above all, clarity on when to push forward and when to step away.
And if you’re looking to develop those skills in a real-world way, this is exactly the kind of learning our training and community offers.
by Gemma Bailey (with the help of Ai)
