Sometimes growth doesn’t come from pushing harder. It comes from knowing when not to.
This week, I want to tell you about a young man I worked with – someone who’d spent most of his life quietly trapped by anxiety. Trapped in the same routines, the same roads, and the same people. He could drive, but wouldn’t go beyond a specific radius. He had friends, but wouldn’t socialise outside the places he already knew. He had a girlfriend, but still lived at home. His world was not small because he wanted it that way – it was small because that was where he felt safest.
When a Goal Is a Lie in Fancy Dress
His parents were the ones who encouraged him to come and see me. But once I met him, it became clear he wasn’t there just to please them. He had his own reason too. He’d agreed (long before he met me) to go on a stag weekend to Benidorm – a full-on “lads’ holiday” with drinking, partying, and people he didn’t even know yet. It was, quite literally, his idea of hell.
And yet, he was doing it. Not because he wanted to. Not because it aligned with his values or his personality. But because he thought he should – because he didn’t want to be seen as weak, or left out, or lose friendships over his refusal. It wasn’t a goal born from desire. It was born from pressure.
This is the part where coaching can get messy. Because the job isn’t just helping someone reach their goal. It’s figuring out if the goal should ever have been set in the first place.
You can’t succeed at a goal that violates who you really are – only exhaust yourself trying.
We had sessions focused on helping him mentally prepare. And to his credit, he did make progress. He got as far as the airport gates. He felt more confident after each session. He believed he could do it.
But when the day came – standing there with his bag, his boarding pass, and the pressure of every “Come on, mate!” ringing in his ears – he said, “I’m not up for it,” and turned around.
So… did we fail?
The Dangerous Pressure to “Push Through”
Let’s rewind. Coaching is not always about pushing people past their limits. Sometimes, it’s about helping them discover where those limits genuinely are – and which ones are self-imposed versus values-based.
This wasn’t a story about someone too anxious to travel. It was a story about someone who never actually wanted to go. Anxiety blurred the edges, but deep down, this weekend wasn’t aligned with who he was. He doesn’t like drinking. He’s uncomfortable around immature or aggressive behaviour. He didn’t want to be the “parent” on a trip meant for chaos. Even if he didn’t have anxiety, Benidorm still wouldn’t be for him.
So, no – we didn’t fail. What we did was uncover the deeper pattern: his anxiety wasn’t just a fear response. It was a compass. But like many people, he didn’t trust it.
Growth isn’t always about breaking through. Sometimes it’s about breaking away – from the pressure to perform, from the people-pleasing, and from the shame of simply being different.
The Real Work of a Coaching Franchise Practitioner
This story speaks to something we see all too often – clients believing their growth means becoming someone they’re not. And as coaching franchise professionals, we have to tread that line carefully. We’re not just here to deliver confidence and motivation on demand. We’re here to help people navigate the difference between “I’m afraid” and “This doesn’t suit me.”
Because people-pleasing is a socially sanctioned form of self-abandonment.
We aren’t in the business of helping people betray themselves more efficiently.
The beauty of being part of a coaching franchise like People Building is that we get to have these nuanced conversations. We’re not restricted to off-the-shelf advice. We create space for deep truth. And if that truth means turning back at the airport – we’ll be the ones clapping for them at the arrivals gate.
How Coaching Franchises Help Rewrite the Script
So, if you’re someone who’s ever felt like you’ve been chasing the wrong goals, saying yes when you should’ve said no, or feeling stuck because the life you’re building doesn’t feel like you – this work is for you.
If you’re already a coach or practitioner considering stepping into a community where these kinds of meaningful transformations happen regularly, our coaching franchise might be exactly the place you need to grow next.
Because when the world is full of noise shouting “Do more! Be more! Go further!” – we’re the voice saying: “What if less is more? What if you already are enough?”
by Gemma Bailey (with the help of Ai)
